All emails shared on this platform are posted with the explicit permission of the writer. The real identity of each writer will always remain confidential and fully protected. By submitting an email, you agree to these terms and understand that all advice is provided for general informational purposes.
Coach Ro takes life’s wildest messes and spins them into captivating tales. With humor and heart, her fictional adventures offer real-life tools and advice, turning your drama into triumphs and your worries into wisdom. Healing has never been this fun and entertaining!
I never thought that answering letters from folks would turn into a part-time job, but here I am—Coach Ro, your neighborhood transformation coach and author. Folks from all walks of life send me emails asking for advice on everything from how to keep their edges from thinning out to how to keep their sanity intact. But today’s letter hit different. Let me introduce you to Terri, a woman caught up in a situation that feels all too familiar.
Dear Coach Ro,
I need your help. I’ve been stuck in a relationship with a man, Deonte, for the last six years. We’ve broken up more times than I can count, but I keep going back because he knows exactly how to reel me in. One minute, he’s ghosting me; the next, he’s love-bombing me like I’m the best thing that ever happened to him. My girls say I need to leave him alone, but they don’t understand—he’s my soulmate (or at least I think he is).
Every time I get ready to move on, he pops up with gifts and sweet talk, and there I go again, getting caught up in the same old cycle. I know I deserve better, but how do I let go of someone who feels like home, even if it’s the ghetto part?
Help me, Coach Ro! I’m tired of dancing this toxic tango.
Sincerely,
Terri in Turmoil
Now ladies, I know Terri’s struggle all too well. This toxic tango is like that one old-school jam you can’t help but bop to even though you know it’s got problematic lyrics. But let’s get into how we can break this cycle.
Beloved, let me tell you—Deonte got you spinning like a vinyl record stuck on the same scratched-up track. First off, “soulmate” doesn’t mean “soul suck.” If a man’s love comes with emotional whiplash, constant confusion, and more plot twists than a telenovela, it’s time to flip the script.
Here’s the deal, Terri. I get it—he’s comfortable, like those old slippers you keep wearing even though the soles are worn out. But comfort doesn’t mean it’s good for you. I bet Deonte shows up with those 7-11 flowers (do they even carry flowers anymore? I digress.) and that “I miss you, baby” energy every time you start getting your act together. It’s like clockwork, right?
But let me ask you this: What do you keep going back to? Is it the man himself or the idea of who you want him to be?
Spoiler alert: the version of him you’re holding onto only exists in your mind. Sis, don’t settle for potential when you deserve fulfillment.
Here’s your prescription: Take two doses of self-respect. And by that, I mean it’s time to rebuild your self-worth so you don’t need Deonte’s love crumbs to feel whole. Start by detoxing from this toxic love—it's time to detach and heal.
Next, let’s talk about how to turn this situation into growth. I want you to write (yes, write) a breakup letter—not to Deonte, but to the version of yourself that keeps settling. Pour it all out, every frustration, every hope you had for this relationship, and then set that paper on fire (safely, please—don’t burn the house down!). It’s time to release this dead weight so you can make room for the love you truly deserve.
And listen, when you’re feeling weak and tempted to let him back in, I want you to remember this: A queen doesn’t chase court jesters. You’re worth more than the confusion and chaos he’s selling.
Lastly, find something that feeds your soul that doesn’t involve romantic relationships—get back to what you love, whether it’s painting, writing, or just having a good laugh with your girls. When you focus on your growth and happiness, you’ll attract someone who’s truly on your level.
Sis, you deserve better than being stuck on repeat with Deonte. Let him go be somebody else’s circus while you get back to building your queendom. Stay strong.
Much love,
Coach Ro
Disclaimer:
I want you to know that your privacy is my priority. Any personal names shared in our conversations will be protected, and I’ve received permission from each participant before publishing their emails on www.iamnitaro.com or any publishing's with RoVolve Ink Inc. Your trust means everything to me.
With that said, let’s dive into this heartfelt exchange. Here’s a recent conversation that touched on an important topic many of us face.
Dear Coach Ro,
I hope this email finds you well. My name is Falicia (name has been changed to protect my clients), and I am a 31 year old woman who has been grappling with a rather frustrating pattern in my dating life. It seems that the men I've been encountering lately are expecting me to take on a more aggressive, chaser role in our interactions. This feels incredibly unnatural to me. I've always envisioned a relationship where the man steps up, embodying that strong, protective, masculine energy, and allows me to relax into my feminine nature. But, instead, I'm finding myself in situations where I'm expected to pursue, initiate, and lead, which leaves me feeling disconnected and frankly, disheartened.
To be honest, it feels like I'm swimming in a pool with guppies when I'm searching for a strong, mature fish. These men, while often charming and seemingly put together, come off as more feminine than masculine. I can't help but wonder, is this a reflection of something within me? Or is this a sign of a broader cultural shift in gender dynamics? More importantly, how can I manifest the masculine energy I desire in my dating life?
Coach Ro, I'm reaching out to you because I I was told you are seasoned on this topic. I'd love to hear your thoughts on what might be causing this trend in my dating life and how I can shift my own energy to attract the kind of man who embodies the masculinity I crave. I look forward to our call.
Thank you so much for your time and wisdom.
Warm regards,
Falicia
Dear Falicia,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with me. I can sense your frustration, and I want you to know that you're not alone in feeling this way. The dynamics you've described are something many women experience, especially in today's dating landscape. Let's explore this together and look at what might be happening on both a psychological and energetic level.
Understanding the Dynamics
The trend you're noticing—where men appear to be more passive, expecting women to take on the aggressor role—can be influenced by several factors. On a broader scale, societal shifts towards gender equality have blurred traditional roles, leading to more men embracing their feminine side. While this isn't inherently negative, it can create confusion in romantic relationships when there's a mismatch in energy and expectations.
From a psychological perspective, some men may be struggling with their own identity and self-confidence. They might find comfort in a more passive role, avoiding the vulnerability that comes with taking the lead. This can result from various factors such as upbringing, past relationships, or even societal pressure to suppress their natural assertiveness.
Reflecting On Your Energy
It's also essential to look within. Our external experiences often mirror our internal state. If you're consistently attracting men who embody more feminine energy, it might be worth considering how your own energy could be influencing this dynamic. Are you perhaps leading with your masculine energy—being assertive, taking charge, or even unintentionally controlling potential partners?
Masculine and feminine energies exist within all of us, and the key is finding balance. If your masculine energy is more dominant, it could be attracting men who feel more comfortable in a feminine role, and with a partner who has more of a masculine role. This isn't about changing who you are but rather about becoming more aware of the energy you're putting out and how it's being received. To help you navigate your masculine and feminine energy I've included a free three page tip guide to help you along your journey. Happy traveling!
Step into a world where fiction meets reality with "Beyond the Page: Ro’s Chronicles of Fiction and Transformation." Here, Coach Ro crafts captivating stories featuring dramatic and comical characters inspired by real-life situations. Each episode brings these characters to life, offering a lighthearted yet profound journey through life's challenges. As you follow their escapades, you might just see reflections of yourself in their tales. At the end of each story, Coach Ro shares insightful tips and transformative advice, guiding you back to your true essence. Fiction becomes a mirror and a map, helping you travel the path of self-discovery and personal growth with a smile.
The following stories are fictional and based on real-life situations, designed for entertainment and enlightenment. None of the characters or names represent real clients or individuals. Enjoy the journey of transformation and creativity through Coach Ro's imaginative narratives!
Backstory: Brenda has been hurt too many times to count, and it shows. She’s been in relationships where she gave her all, only to be left feeling betrayed and used. These experiences have left her with a hardened heart and a sharp tongue. Brenda expects the worst from people and often gets it, thanks to her self-fulfilling prophecy of distrust and defensiveness. She’s quick to lash out at any perceived slight, and her bitterness has become a shield to protect herself from further pain. But deep down, Brenda longs for someone to prove her wrong, to break through her tough exterior and show her that love doesn’t always end in heartbreak.
Behavior: Brenda is defensive and bitter in her relationships, always expecting to be hurt and often pushing people away before they get the chance. She’s quick to assume the worst and doesn’t hesitate to cut someone off at the first sign of trouble. Her conversations are often laced with sarcasm, and she’s not above throwing past hurts in someone’s face during an argument.
Hidden Creepiness and Quirks: Brenda has a habit of collecting evidence against her partners—screenshots of questionable texts, saved voicemails, and notes on suspicious behavior. She keeps this “evidence” in a folder, ready to use it as a weapon whenever she feels threatened. Her creepiness lies in her meticulous preparation for betrayal that hasn’t even happened yet. Her quirk? She has a bizarre ritual of writing angry letters to her exes and then burning them, believing it helps her “purge the poison” from her system.
Backstory: Connie is the master of playing nice until she gets what she wants. She’s a chameleon, adapting to her surroundings to manipulate others with precision. Connie’s charm lures people in, but once she’s done with them, she discards them without a second thought. Her hobbies include finding weaknesses in people and flipping situations in her favor.
Behavior: Cold, calculating, and enjoys controlling others. Connie can switch from sweet to sinister in the blink of an eye, leaving her victims questioning their sanity.
Hidden Creepy Quirk: She keeps a diary filled with the names of people she’s “played,” rating each conquest on a scale of how easily they fell for her tricks.
Backstory: Jerome grew up feeling like he was always in second place—never the best, never the favorite. This deeply rooted insecurity grew into an all-consuming jealousy, particularly in his relationships. Jerome is the type who constantly checks his partner’s phone, scrutinizes their social media likes, and interrogates them about every interaction with the opposite sex. He convinces himself that everyone else is a threat to his happiness, and he must guard what’s “his” at all costs. Despite his obsessive need to control, Jerome’s insecurity makes him feel perpetually unworthy, fueling his jealousy even further.
Behavior: Overly possessive, insecure, and suspicious. Jerome is always on high alert for any signs of betrayal, real or imagined. He isolates his partners from their friends, demands constant reassurance, and flies into jealous rages over the smallest perceived slight. His jealousy leads him to act irrationally, causing tension and fear in his relationships.
Hidden Creepy Quirk: Jerome keeps a mental (and sometimes physical) list of everyone his partner interacts with, marking potential “threats” with red flags. He’s also been known to follow his partner’s friends on social media just to keep tabs on them.
Backstory: Dana was raised in a household where love and approval were given only conditionally. To win her parents' affection, she learned to cater to their every whim, neglecting her own needs in the process. As an adult, this pattern translated into her romantic relationships. Dana quickly becomes emotionally dependent on her partners, needing constant reassurance and validation to feel secure. She fears being alone and will go to great lengths to keep her partners close, often sacrificing her own happiness to avoid abandonment.
Behavior: Dana is clingy and overly attached in her relationships, constantly seeking affirmation and fearing that her partner might leave her. She has a habit of merging her identity with whoever she’s dating, adopting their likes, dislikes, and even opinions to maintain the connection. Despite her best efforts, Dana’s neediness often drives people away, which only reinforces her fear of being unlovable and alone.
Hidden Creepiness and Quirks: Dana keeps a secret scrapbook of all her past relationships, filled with mementos, photos, and notes she never sent. She frequently revisits these memories, obsessing over what she could have done differently. Her creepiness lies in how she unconsciously molds herself into the ideal partner for whoever she’s with, erasing her true self in the process. Her quirk? She keeps an “emergency kit” in her bag filled with items she believes will help her avoid a breakup—like love potions, lucky charms, and even a list of conversation topics guaranteed to make her partner smile.
Backstory: Tone is everyone’s best friend—until you get on his bad side. He’s the guy with a thousand faces, each one tailored to whoever he’s manipulating at the moment. Tone’s charm hides a sinister agenda, and he’s always one step ahead in every game he plays. Behind that friendly facade is someone who enjoys pulling the strings and watching others dance.
Behavior: Charismatic, cunning, and has a talent for reading people’s weaknesses. Tone switches between being the “nice guy” and the “villain” depending on what benefits him most.
Hidden Creepy Quirk: He keeps a secret list of “enemies” with detailed notes on how to exploit them if needed.
Backstory: Nigel thinks the world revolves around him—literally. He’s got a constant smirk and believes his reflection deserves a standing ovation every time he passes a mirror. Nigel’s charm is as smooth as silk, but behind the confidence is a fragile ego that shatters with the slightest criticism. He’s got a social media presence where every post screams, “Worship me.”
Behavior: Self-obsessed, lacks empathy, quick to belittle others, and lives for admiration. When people don’t give him attention, he either ghostwrites fake compliments or throws a tantrum.
Hidden Creepy Quirk: Nigel collects photos of himself and edits them with bizarre filters—because even his selfies need to look “extra.”
Backstory: Gary’s favorite pastime is making people question reality. He’s the guy who’ll tell you the sky is green just to see if you’ll start doubting yourself. Gaslighting is his art form, and he’s mastered it to a point where his victims can’t tell up from down. His sly grin lets you know he’s up to no good, even when he’s pretending to be your best friend.
Behavior: Deceptive, manipulative, and loves creating confusion. Gary twists conversations, rewrites history, and blames others for things they didn’t do, all with a calm demeanor that leaves people wondering if they’re losing their mind.
Hidden Creepy Quirk: Gary has a secret habit of recording conversations without the other person’s knowledge. He keeps a collection of these recordings, meticulously labeled and stored on his computer. Gary replays them in private, analyzing the tone, words, and reactions of the people he’s manipulated. He finds pleasure in reliving the moments when he successfully made someone doubt their own reality. If someone ever confronts him about his gaslighting behavior, he uses these recordings as a twisted form of insurance, editing them to make it seem like he was the rational one all along. This creepy quirk gives Gary a sense of power and control, knowing he holds the “evidence” to rewrite the narrative whenever he chooses.
Backstory: Deor is the drama. She’ll make a scene at the drive-thru if her fries aren’t hot enough, but she’s also the life of the party. Everything is a performance, from her over-the-top hand gestures to the way she tells stories. She’ll turn a simple brunch into a soap opera episode—complete with dramatic pauses.
Behavior: Attention-seeking, exaggerated emotions, and always “on stage.” She thrives on likes, shares, and comments and lives for dramatic declarations like “I can’t even right now!”
Hidden Creepy Quirk: Deor keeps a hidden scrapbook filled with clippings, screenshots, and notes on every bit of drama she’s ever been involved in or caused. She obsessively documents every argument, every breakup, and every falling out, as if curating a personal museum of chaos. She revisits this collection often, relishing in the memories of conflicts she’s instigated.
Backstory: Penny’s world is organized—alphabetically, chronologically, and color-coded. Her planner is packed with bullet points, and she gets an adrenaline rush from checking off to-do lists. She’s the type to rearrange a restaurant table because it’s not “centered,” and her closet is arranged by color and season. Messy people stress her out.
Behavior: Perfectionism, rigid control, and an obsession with details. Penny’s idea of fun is optimizing efficiency and making sure everything is exactly where it should be—because that’s how the universe stays in balance.
Hidden Creepy Quirk: Penny keeps a secret “flaw journal” where she meticulously documents the tiniest imperfections she finds in others. Every smudge, wrinkle, or out-of-place hair she notices in friends, family, or even strangers is carefully logged, complete with detailed descriptions and dates. Penny revisits this journal often, using it as a way to reassure herself of her own perfection. If she can prove to herself that everyone else is flawed, it justifies her relentless pursuit of perfection in her own life. She takes a twisted satisfaction in knowing that she’s the only one who can spot these flaws, making her feel superior in a subtle, unsettling way.
I Am Here to Create an Impact!
Copyright © 2024 RoVolve Ink Inc.- All Rights Reserved.
The Ultimate Guide
Unlock your infinite power—pre-order now!
We use cookies to analyze website traffic and optimize your website experience. By accepting our use of cookies, your data will be aggregated with all other user data.